Something That I Want
by Bad At Metaphors
Summary: Regret. So, so much regret. Why had she done this? This is not how a queen is supposed to act. This is not how a queen is supposed to think. Elsanna
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I said I would not ship this ship. Here I am, shipping this ship. Inspired by an ask that was sent to me.**

**I apologize for all the mistakes. The idea came to me at like 2 in the morning and I spent an hour spitting this out. Such a struggle, the whole writing thing.**

* * *

_Last night I heard my own heart beating, sounded like footsteps on my stairs._

Elsa walked down the corridor with her head high. Each stride gave her confidence. With a determined look she continued her on her way until she reached the double doors of the gallery. Inside, Anna stood gazing at a picture of some world far, far away. She had a vividly blue dress on that went down to her ankles. Elsa thought of how she had never seen somebody look so simply beautiful.

But as she looked on, Elsa felt it in her heart. _"No, it's wrong. It's all so wrong."_ She thought on,_ "It was never supposed to be like this. This should have never happened."_

What confused her the most what of what she was thinking of. Losing control over herself to fear? Freezing over Arendelle and beyond for leagues? _...Anna?_

No.

She is young. They both are. Far too young to understand or even begin to think and feel. Love was new. How could she ever learn to love, for she had gone a decade without feeling loved? Who would dare care for a monster such as herself? Sure, Anna could love her sister. Not romantically. That would be preposterous. It would be wrong and immoral and horrendous.

And it still destroyed her with every breath.

Too far infatuated with this... This _being_ that it is impossible to see past the lust. The longing. The desperation.

Still, from afar Elsa begged herself to stop. Should she go through with her intentions the world around her would change dramatically. Reality would crash and burn just as it had that one embarrassingly intoxicated night, only the effects would last longer than the next morning.

Before she was aware, Elsa saw her surroundings pass by her in a stunningly blurred view. No words had even begun to form on her tongue before Anna's soft voice caressed her ears. "No one ever teaches you how to love." The queen inhaled quickly as the princess turned around. "You play and you fight and you learn it yourself. If you're lucky, it comes naturally." By her tone she could tell that the words were chosen carefully. Visually her lips trembled as if they were unsure. "You slowly learn to love the things around you throughout your life. Usually it's not romantic. But it's love, you know?" Anna pushed her hair behind her ear subconsciously. "It's scary and beautiful." A faint smile flashed across her face for a moment and Elsa felt like the stars that fell from the sky when she saw it. "The only way, I think, that you can love someone is if you let yourself love them. You can't love without argument but you can only allow yourself to truly feel them is if you trust yourself enough to love them,"

Without saying a word, Elsa left. She made her way through the stone walls and wood floorboards of the castle. Riding side-saddle on her horse, she fled to the North Mountain. She sat in solitude and silence for hours. Words echoed in her mind. A blazing picture of her sister's smirk seared into her memory.

* * *

Before long, she had encased herself in her own ice. Her own emotions. Trapped in a shell of sheer fear.

It wasn't long before day turned to night. Elsa heard her heartbeat in the frozen water around her. It increased in volume until every other thought had drained away and all she could understand was the steady rhythm of her pulse. _One-two, one-two, one-two._ The ice around her closed in more. _One-two, one-two, one-two._ As the sound became more familiar, the more it sounded like other sounds. Mainly footsteps. It walked with elegance and confidence. Almost as if her parents had finally come back and were walking up her staircase to greet her. Almost as if they were tapping on the case that surrounded her, calling her name- Wait.

Elsa thought of a happy moment and the ice around her disappeared. It didn't register right away, but sure enough Anna sat staring at her with a sense of endless wonder.

"Hey," She greeted sweetly. "I couldn't find you anywhere on the grounds,"

Elsa said nothing.

"So... Do you mind if I join you as you wallow in your own self-pity?"

Nothing.

"I'm staying anyway, you don't even have to answer that." Anna stood up and extended her hand down to her sister who was still on her knees. "Come on, get up."

Elsa only looked up, avoiding the younger sisters gaze. She assessed the situation very carefully.

Again, before she could even process it, Elsa's body moved on its own. Completely taken over by some unseen force she stood and switches places with her sister. She walked forward, pushing her sister to walk backwards with just the power of her gaze until Elsa had Anna pinned against the wall.

There was not even a hint of fear in Anna's eyes.

With her breathing heavy and unstable, Elsa looked at what she had done. Her light blue eyes flickered across what lay in front of her, trying to read what the sometimes-blue-sometimes-green eyes were trying to convey. Though all she could understand was that the unspoken expression on her little sisters face had already been said.

She softened her glare as if to say 'I'm sorry.' and turned away.

Regret. So, so much regret. Why had she done this? _This is not how a queen is supposed to act. This is not how a queen is supposed to think._

_It's not the kind of ending you want to see now..._

* * *

**A/N: If you're wondering, the ask said: "I'm afraid I won't be able to love anyone because I have never really been taught to love."**

**This is really different from anything else I've ever written. This will probably be the most intimate fic I have, and I will not be killing off any of the characters. Treading new ground I guess.  
**

**Anyway, thanks for reading and all. I'm kind of thinking I should continue this but I wasn't sure. So I put it up here and if you guys think I should go forward with this, I will!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Look another really short chapter. I'll make the next one longer, I promise. Also I apologize for all the mistakes. Again. Because I did this at two in the morning. Again.  
And thanks for the support from all three of you! (Seriously.)**

* * *

_The tragedy it seems unending. I'm watching everyone I looked up to breaking, bending_

As the days wore on daily routines continued, weekly check-ins stayed the same. Everything stayed the same, actually. Okay, most things stayed the same. Anna found herself thinking of Elsa more and more now. In some revolting sense the princess _felt_ alarmingly turned on when she thought back to Elsa pushing her against the wall. That feeling of determination and- dare she say it -Lust.

But that's all it was, right? Elsa was inarguably beautiful, everyone knew that. She was gentle, sophisticated, careful, and graceful. Everyone knew that, too. What hardly anyone knew was the more assertive side of her. She could make a thousand-men army fall to their knees without much more than a raised eyebrow and a flick of the wrist. Such power commanded with elegance only a queen could muster. She didn't actually "_love_" her sister. No, that would be far too carnal for what siblings should do. It was more of a...

She didn't know what it was, actually. Anna would be lying if she said that not a single racy fantasy that included the Queen of Ice. She'd be lying again if she said that one of the several fabrications she had created didn't involve the Ice Palace and Elsa being very dominating. But I digress.

"Princess Anna," Looking up from her hands that were fiddling mindlessly, she saw Gerda in the doorway. "The Queen would like a word. She is in her office," Anna thanked her as she passed,

* * *

"You, uh, you wished to see me?" Anna pushed her hair behind her ear.

"Yes," The Queen answered, not bothering to look up from whatever paper she was writing on.

"So... Are you gonna talk or is this just me staring at the back of your head?"

Elsa sighed and put her pen back into its well. She stood and turned around to face her little sister. "Anna-"

"Whoa!" Anna cut in. "Elsa, your eyes. They're really bloodshot. Are you okay? Have you been crying?"

"What?" The Queen recoiled. "No. I'm perfectly fine. Always fine. I just haven't gotten much sleep of late." Even though Anna knew very well that only half of the statement was true, she kept her mouth shut. "Anyway, I need your help with something. Your advice."

"M-my advice? You want my advice? Uh, okay. Wow. Yes, anything you need!" Elsa smiled at her rather adoringly and Anna nearly fell to her knees it looked so perfect.

"Ahem. In the meeting that was just held, The Committee and many city representatives agree that I should marry soon and," She paused, "Have a heir. Preferable a son. They say that my time has come and will soon pass and then it will be up to you." Anna nodded thoughtfully. "I fear the child will bear my powers. Assuming I do find a suitor."

Anna thought over the situation for a moment. "Well I think..." Elsa looked at her expectantly. "I think that- Hum.. No."

"Anna I really need your help on this one."

"That doesn't make any sense." The red-haired girl said to herself. "Look, Elsa. If you had asked me about this a few weeks ago I would have said it's stupid." Thoughts of her fairly recent breakup with Kristoff passed her memory. "If you had asked me this a few years ago I would have said it's a great idea. That love is beautiful. But you're asking me now and all I can say as of now is... Well, I just don't know. I'm sorry. I really don't know what to say. Like, was there any one kingdom they had in mind?"

Elsa sat back down in her chair. "They didn't, no. But I did have someone in mind."

Anna felt the air leave her lungs and a shock running upwards from the joints of her knees. Air burned her throat in every shallow intake and her eyes cast down towards the carpet that had gone to a velvety red to icy blue in long slow motion seconds.

"Anna? Anna!" Elsa's voice was heard loud and clear, though she did nothing to respond. "_ANNA_!' Everything snapped back to reality. "Are you okay? What happened?"

"Sorry. I j-just, uh I just got a little dizzy for a moment. I'm okay I really am." Anna apologized and stood back up.

"I'll get a nurse-"

"No!" She shrieked. "I mean, please don't. I feel fine." Elsa eyed her skeptically while the ice receded.

Anna stared back, helpless to the thoughts that started swirling and mixing inside of her. She dreamt of the taste of Elsa's lips, she imagines running her fingers through her soft platinum blonde hair. Feeling her body pressed entirely and fervidly against the cool skin of- No.

Neither of them realized how close they had gotten as they were both lost in their own thoughts. So close, in fact that if either of them swayed forward even the slightest...

"Out." Elsa commanded as she took a step away. "And do not speak of this."

_Then in the free fall I will realize, I'm better off when I hit the bottom_

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**A/N: Like I said, the next one will be longer. I promised and I do try very hard to keep my promises.**  
**I might change the rating to M later but I don't think I will. (Just a heads up)**

**Thank you for reading this. I'm proud of myself for not killing anyone yet. This is an accomplishment that has only been done once before.**  
**Thanks again.**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Wow. Sorry this took so long. I could go on explaining my excuses but lets be real here: It once took me almost three months to update a chapter. I think I did alright. Plus is longer than the other ones. (Only by like 400 words but whatever. Just roll with me here.) Thanks for reading this and sticking with me this far! **

_And the heart is hard to translate, it has a language of its own._

She watched her little sister scramble out of the room. (Nearly falling on her face in the process.) Her hand waved across her body and a cold gust of wind slammed the white door shut. Flicking her same wrist upwards Elsa created a wall of ice to disable the door from opening again and giving herself some much needed privacy.

The queen walked back to her desk and sighed. _Some Queen you are. Get it together._

* * *

At the end of the secondary decision meeting regarding possible suitors half of the room had already stormed out and the other half sat fearfully as Elsa froze her end of the table. "What!" Elsa said, seeing their wide eyes. "Excuse me." She hissed as she rushed out of there needing to calm herself down.

"Oh. Oh! Hey, Elsa!" Anna chirped when she saw her sister rushing down the hallway of the West wing. "So I saw spying on a super-secret side meeting and they were getting totally worked up over how rash your decision was or whatever."

"Not now, Anna."

"And so I was walking through the halls, the kitchen mostly and then I was wondering 'What kind of decision would you make that would upset Father Kresten so much?'"

Elsa stopped walking. _I can't tell her. No, no no no. She can't know. Not yet at least. Yes, not yet_. What she had admitted during the conference would surely not pass without consequence. There were citizens in audience! If one of the town knew a drop of gossip, the entirety of Arendelle knew that drop of gossip. And this? This was a sea.

_If I had just sat there and smiled through it like I do every other time..._ But how could she have just sat around while a table full of people decided her future? Y_ou are going to destroy Arendelle and everything my ancestors have worked for. You have brought inevitable chaos to the kingdom you were born to protect._

"I'll talk to you about this later."

"But-"

"Enough, Anna! I said I will talk to you later." With that said, Elsa returned to walking.

Just before she turned the corner she heard Anna yell, "I thought you said we weren't going to keep secrets!"

* * *

There is a safe room at the end of the West wing. The staff that are aware of its existence call it The White Room. It's relatively empty. Two drains on either side. Elsa had it installed as one of the first few changes she made as Queen. There Elsa was free to shoot her ice in every which way she wished whenever she got too negative and couldn't get to her palace on the top of the mountain. It helped her moods considerably.

Usually.

Today, she found herself standing a few feet from the ice-sealed doorway as she struck the opposing wall with a melee of ice. The anger in herself nearly had her choking on her own tears. _What have you done? This will surely be the downfall of Arendelle!_ Her onslaught of attacks on all four walls continued until Elsa was unable to lift her arms._ Don't even think about Anna here. Hasn't she already done enough damage?_ Too overcome with her own thoughts and far too tired to remain standing, Elsa fell to the icy ground ocean of news that has ran through her lips just hours before drowning her in what felt like never ending self-hatred. Sitting there in a room of white walls and spikes of ice Elsa cried from the back of her throat to the tip of her tongue she silently screamed out, downright _begging_ for help.

* * *

Though the joyous mood she had last seen Anna in was ushered away when she was sentenced to bedrest due to symptoms of the common cold later that evening. Daring to see her sister, the queen snuck into the room of which Anna was being kept. "Hey," Anna sat upright, reading by candlelight. "I wanted to apologize for my rudeness earlier. It was uncalled for. I have no excuse for my behavior."

Anna closed her book and looked over to her sister. "No big deal. I was being a little obnoxious anyways." Her voice sounded scruffy and somewhat forced.

"So, how are you feeling?" Elsa made her way over to the bed and sat down on the corner closest to the door. She was a little worried that Anna could see her once again bloodshot eyes through the darkness but deemed the thought irrelevant.

"I feel great. I don't know why they stuck me here. I can't just lay around all day."

"Thats good." They stared at each other without speaking for a long time. _Look at her, so sweet._ Slowly, Anna fell asleep to leave Elsa sitting there with her perfect queen posture. The night wore on and neither moved until the candle that was placed burned out. With a sigh, Elsa placed a flower upon the Princess' nightstand and left to sleep in her own quarters. "Goodnight,"

.-*-..-*-..-*-.

"Good morning, Princess." Gerda smiled while she placed a tray of soup over Anna's lap so she could eat. "I trust you slept well?" Anna nodded. "Very good, very good. Oh, what's this?" She picked up a light pink colored rose with the tip of it's petals coated in gold.

"It's beautiful,"

"Yes. I read in a book about housekeeping, I believe, that coral roses mean desire. Oh dear perhaps it wasn't housekeeping..." Gerda scrutinized the flower a moment longer before putting it down again. "Do you have any idea who gave this to you?"

Anna took the glass of water from the tray and started chugging it down to not let on that she had nearly just choked on the soup. "I uh, No. The only people allowed in here are the people on staff, right?"

"That is true. Hm, well... No matter. You appear to be doing much better today. How about we try to get you out and about by sun's high?"

"Yes, that sounds very good. Thank you."

* * *

That same night Anna decided it would be a fantastic idea to go Elsa hunting. Of course the castle was dead at this point of night. For the most part at least. After having walked soundlessly through the main halls of the Residential wing,(thats the East side by the way.) and quietly skipping through the kitchen and dining rooms a glowing blue green color caught the corner of her eye. She recognized it from just about half a year ago. Elsa was definitely making use of her powers. Anna snuck down the next hall with her left hand stabilizing her balance until she reached the door that was set open ajar.

Peering in, Elsa stood in the dead center of a room Anna had never seen before. Nothing was inside and it looked as if it was made solely for Elsa's ice and snow. The queen's voice whispered what was undoubtedly curses of some tongue Anna lacked translation for. _"Arrêtez-le. Vous ne pouvez pas aimer votre propre soeur. C'est faux. C'est un péché. Elle ne pourrait jamais amour vous revenir."_ From all walls spikes of ice pointed directly at the only being in the room, glowing now more red. _"Ne priez pas pour Anna de l'amour. Vous êtes la reine. Ne rêvez de Anna les lèvres. Ils vont vous détruire."_ Now this caught her attention. Maybe she didn't retain all knowledge of her language schooling, but she did know when her name was being said.

She didn't want to intrude. No, she just wanted to know why Elsa had been standing in a big white room whispering about her in some other language. She wanted to see her sister happy again, to make her smile. Maybe some part of her hoped she could force Elsa to like her back. (But that would be crazy.)

And so without much of a hesitation, Anna rushed up to Elsa's side and hugged her. It wasn't a special hug or anything. It just bound Elsa's arms to her side and left her stunned for a moment as she tried to process what was happening. _One, two , three, four five... six._

_So I was screaming out a language that I never knew existed before._


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Its okay you don't have to hate me for taking forever, I'm already doing that myself. (Remember what I said about not killing people?)**

* * *

_What good comes of something when I'm just the ghost of nothing?_

Anna let to and stepped back to look at Elsa. A tidal wave of emotions flooded her thoughts.

"Anna? What are you doing up this late? Sunrise will be soon I'm sure." Elsa smiled at her so innocently.

"Yeah... I know.. I just..." What was she doing up this late? Looking for Elsa, yes. But what did she intend to do once she found her? Everything she was going to say was forgotten when she found her beating up the walls of the castle. "What's wrong?"

Elsa said nothing, she just shrugged and the ice the coated the walls disappeared.

"Elsa...Hey... Bad time to ask, I know, but if this has anything to do with whatever happened in that meeting then just know I'm still here if you need to talk about it or something."

"This really isn't the time. I'm sorry. Just please go back to bed. I need a moment alone." Though again Anna could see how red the whites of Elsa's eyes were and how tearstained her cheeks were she said nothing and obliged to her sister's orders and went to her room.

Anna waited for dusk to fall before she crept her way down to the stables and saddled her horse. When she was sure everything was ready, Anna took off heading North-West, to the Valley of the Living Rock. It wasn't like she wasn't allowed to leave the castle, in fact Elsa greatly encouraged it. (Trying to make up for lost time and all.) Her horse ran at a sprint and she steered him by using a handful of landmarks that she remembered seeing from the back of Sven. All along the way she went over what to say to the trolls. Maybe like 'Elsa's been acting weird lately, she might be sick.' or 'Hey I'm worried about my sister she's been crying a lot and not being very straightforward-' Anna laughed out loud. Straight HA! Look at all the things that Anna is sure she it not. 'Hey, just popping by to say hi, also I saw my sister having a mental breakdown earlier what am I supposed to do?'

All the while she didn't see a handful of her hair turn from a bright reddish brown to white, brighter than Elsa's.

When she arrived, Grand Pabbie was already hobbling his way over before Anna could even begin to dismount. "I sensed your arrival from half a league away, dear princess." He panted, clearly not used to such fast movement. "Magic is at work here for the third time,"

"I'm here to ask about Elsa,"

Behind him a crowd of Kristoff's family gathered and begun talking amongst themselves. "Look! It's the Princess!"

"Ohh maybe she and Kristoff are gonna get back together!"

"They would make the cutest children,"

"Goodness! Look at that adorable smile of hers!"

"SILENCE!" Grand Pabbie yelled while repeatedly rapping his cane on the stone below him.

Anna knelt down in front of the old troll. "What do you mean third time?"

"Hush, that isn't of importance at the moment. The ice in your heart is beginning to freeze again."

"What?" She gasped. "No, Elsa thawed it- Elsa and I thawed it out on the fjord last summer! It can't be,"

"I'm sorry. I was afraid that this could happen. So you know about your sister. That's a start. "

"Yes, start. What is happening."

He took a deep breath, "You have given your heart to Elsa, and she is ready to give hers to you, but she isn't sure quite yet. As the Queen holds your heart in her hand, she is freezing it. She questions her love for you and cannot come to the conclusion that she loves you. she's lost between loving Anna, and loving her sister."

"Wait, what?"

"There is one way to thaw your heart again and two ways it can happen. She must decide how she loves you."

"You lost me somewhere between my heart is freezing and there's two ways to thaw it."

The eldest troll chucked to himself. (Chuckled. Anna is going to die and he's laughing. What is wrong with you?) "You love your sister, right?" Anna agreed. "Well, your sister loves you too. Very much in the same way you love her.

"And you know this.. How?"

"We've been keeping an eye on the two of you since your father commanded I do so all those years ago. The first time you were hit with your sister's magic. It was an accident, oh I remember the poor girl was scared to death about you. I've never seen a child quiver in fear as she had. Oh yes, the streak in your hair. Long term effect I suppose. I was forced to erase all memory of magic you had. Come to think of it I never did figure out what would have happened to you if I didn't cure you. Maybe you would frozen to death. Hm... Best we not find out, eh?"

"Oh That was the same night I got Kristoff!" A troll shouted from the crowd and it erupted again with wishes of the two of them getting back together.

"BE QUIET!" They shut themselves up. "Anna, I need you to know that I told her to control her powers, never to hide them away thats far too dangerous. It was your fathers and your sisters decision to hide her away."

"So father did this to us! Father tore us apart-"

You mustn't blame the king, he was only thinking about your safety." he lowered his voice. "Not that he cared that much. Her own cell in the dungeon and all.."

"Sorry, I didn't catch that."

"No matter. So, do you know what you have to do?"

Anna just shrugged. "Get her to like me but not tell her I need to get her to like me but do it quick or else I'll die. Simple enough." She started her way back to her steed but instead of landing on the back of him, she landed face first on the stone terrain with the world spinning around her faster than her heart would beat when she looked at Elsa. Thankfully somewhere domesticized elk-hooves were fast-approaching.

At what point do you realize you've fallen asleep? You just open your eyes and go about your day as if you didn't just lose consciousness and go into a comatose state widely known as sleeping? You're expected to pretend that you didn't see visions of people and places you know doing and saying things you wouldn't ever hear those people say. Was Anna expected to not be affected by whatever dream that happened just now? How do you just go on-

"Rise and shine, Princess!"

_Rejoice, rejoice and fall to your knees_

* * *

**I suck I'm sorry. I got sick with a killer headache and had to write it on paper cause screens made it worse then I lost my google docs password.  
Anyway. Thanks for the support and such. **


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Well fuck... Sorry for the wait.**

* * *

_Please just forget me, never let me into your heart_

Anna slowly sat up. "Kristoff? What are you doing here... Nevermind." Her head had been laying against Sven's side. "What happened?"

He held out a cup made out of rock. "I don't know. I just stopping by the Valley on my way to the mountain and I saw you fall to the ground. We're in my cabin right now." She graciously took the rock and drank from it. "It's already really late, I think you should just stay here the night.." She'd only ever slept over at Kristoff's once before and that was because she accidently drunken herself out of consciousness. (by accidently, I mean deliberately.)

"Late? How late? Like, late late for just late? Because I didn't tell Elsa that I was going to be gone. I just left. Oh god. What day is today?"

"You've been out for like, fifteen hours. I didn't know someone could sleep that long."

Anna jumped to her feet, her head pounding in time with her heartbeat. "Kristoff, I have to go find Elsa! She's probably freaking out!" Anna rushed over to the door.

"Whoa! Anna, I'm not letting you go out there this late. We're still almost a league into the woods. I don't want you getting lost, or eaten by wolves or kidnapped," Anna couldn't help but smile. Kristoff was also so good to her. Even when they were fighting.

"Okay," She sighed. "Fine." Against her will, she rest her head back onto Sven's side and counted the snowflakes in her mind until she slept.

Anna woke up again a few hours later. Her head still hurt and her chest felt like there was a dagger sticking out from it. She kept completely still to avoid any pain but of course, that didn't help much. Somewhere she remembered what her nanny told her whenever she was sore after dance lessons: Relax your muscles.

That didn't help either.

Somewhere in the back of her mind, two words resonated off the corners of her consciousness. They had come to haunt her from time to time. The memory she had brought her right back to that time. In the same moment. It all seemed so clear for such a fuzzy, slow motion recollection.

She could see it now, all the snow that swam in circles around Elsa that day. It hurt. Oh, how it hurt. The vision of her beloved sister screaming out her uncertainties. Maybe it was the cold. Maybe it was the sharp blow to her chest. Maybe it was the confusion. Whatever it was scared her to the bone. Seeing Elsa show just helpless and scared she was... It was an inescapable nightmare.

Sven shifted beneath her and she let out an unauthorized yelp of pain, waking up both Sven and Kristoff. With the reinders sudden jolt along with Kristofff's rush over to her caused yet another tidal wave of hurt to pass through her.

* * *

Elsa laid there alone, trying to take in all of Anna's scent that surrounded her in the sheets .A guard had told her that he saw Anna in Kristoff's cabin during his patrols and it looked like she was going to spend the night. How stupid of her to think that Anna would ever stay broken up with Kristoff and come rushing to Elsa's embrace! She never noticed it before, but then again Elsa hadn't been close enough to get to smell Anna for thirteen years. Every breath was hypnotizing and with each heartbeat the world seemed to become more clear. The town outside still buzzed and whistled along in the firelight it was lit by as av series of thoughts came to: Is this what she really wants?

The answer is yes, this is what she wants. Wholeheartedly. There isn't a thing in the world she would trade Anna for. Anna was everything to her. Secondly this what she needs?

No. Queen Elsa of Arendelle doesn't need this. She could live without waking up to Anna's warmth (should she know what that is). And lastly, is this what she should have?

To Elsa, there was no real answer. She may deserve some sort of love. She may even deserve Anna... But there wasn't a chance in the world that Anna could ever deserve someone like Elsa. She'll take some time to learn how to love properly again. If she can even get that far. Years of sacrifice in the name of love and still she forgot how to love. Being in love and loving turned out to be two very different things.

So, Elsa stood and left. Looking back into the messy room? Oh yeah. Why regret things in life that were never meant to happen? Why so muss fuss over a love that in God's name should ever be requited! Yet not a single glance down. Her head held high in pride and in true Elsa the Ice Queen fashion, she was in some sense free. Anna was her sister and all other feelings towards her were eradicated. She promised herself that she would begin the hunt for a male suitor when the season was to change in less than nine sunrises. The town would think that Elsa's preference towards her own gender was a false rumor and everything could be fixed.

Or she could at least try to fix it. You don't have to conceal it. Just don't feel it. You don't love anna. You don't love Anna.

Elsa slept well that night. There was no Anna to distract her in her dreams. Not tonight. Not for tonight, no.

At red dawn, Elsa rose from her quarters, still awaiting Anna's returned. Maybe I should request someone to get her? No, I wouldn't want to inconvenience anyone... I could go myself... No, not with them all thinking that I'm... Well, I am... but they don't know that for sure so... Elsa dragged her hand down her face with a sigh.

"Your majesty?" Gerda asked,, snapping her out of the world she had gone off to. "Sentries spotted Princess Anna making her way back here," Elsa raised her head in attention. "But you should know-"

"Thank you Nana! Thank you for telling me," She got up and ran out towards the gates, not letting Gerda finnish.

"...That Anna's hair... as white... again..." She sighed, as Elsa was already long gone by then.

_Please I'll forget you, never let you into my heart_

* * *

**A/N: I'm sorry. I wanted to have this out a few days ago but I lost all motivation for everything at some point so I couldn't get anything down. I'm sorry. I Know it's short. I hate myself. Wow.**


End file.
